Creating Boundaries Means More Than Just Defending Your Perimeter

Seven of Wands tarot card

Smith-Waite Tarot, Tarot of the Magical Forest, Antiquarian Tarot

The topic of boundaries comes up frequently in tarot readings. Many people have difficulty feeling entitled to their boundaries and also mustering the courage to defend their boundaries. These days, with social media and the internet allowing so much access, I think it makes the conversation about boundaries even more important.

When you think about the topic of boundaries and the correlating cards in tarot you may immediately think about cards like the Seven of Wands or the Nine of Wands. The figure has established their perimeter, and they are defending it.

For me, a discussion about boundaries reaches beyond that definition. Defending a boundary that you have established is part of the equation certainly, but what about when a boundary changes?

Dealing with what to do when your boundaries shift is a lot more complicated than defending an already established one. People can be more resistant to it, because for some reason we aren’t allowed to change our minds. But why wouldn’t we change our minds? Why wouldn’t our boundaries shift? Everything else in life changes. Right?

I recently discovered that one of my own personal challenges in life was that once I granted someone a certain level of access to me, I didn’t feel I was empowered to retract that access. This made me wary of allowing anyone any access ever, because I felt like I couldn’t take it back if it felt wrong after-the-fact. The predictable result was being very lonely, because I wouldn’t allow anyone to get too close. This applied to things as seemingly benign as accepting friends on Facebook to as serious as choices of partners.

My point is, the ability to relocate your defensive line is essential. It’s important to be able to continue communicating and defending your boundaries, once you realize they need to be moved. Or perhaps firstly, it’s important to be mindful enough to know they need to be moved. The worst thing that you can do is try to gut-it-out in hopes that your boundary needs will return to where they were. They might, but there is no guarantee of that.

the devil magical forest tarot

Don’t become a prisoner of your own boundaries.

As you change and as your needs change, so to will your boundaries. Sometimes they may be contracting, sometimes they may be expanding. Sometimes the changes will be permanent, sometimes they will be temporary, and sometimes you won’t know whether they are going to be permanent or temporary until they are in place.

However your boundaries may change, however often they may change, they are still valid and you are still entitled to have them respected. Feel free to tweet that. 😉

The best way that I have found to deal with these types of shifts is to communicate with people and be as honest as you feel comfortable being (make it about you, this is your need.). Easier said than done I know, but better than feeling constantly violated because folks aren’t aware that your boundaries have shifted and that they are now crossing them unknowingly. The people who hem and haw and tell you that you are “flaky” or “wishy-washy”they aren’t a positive presence in your life anyway, so don’t worry about them.

I would love to hear what you think of this topic, it’s one that is near and dear to my heart, so feel free to comment.

Have a great week all,
-Cameron

Save

8 thoughts on “Creating Boundaries Means More Than Just Defending Your Perimeter

  1. Oh the Magical Forest Deck! 🙂 It’s one of my favourites.

    I really resonate with what you wrote…I constantly struggle with the issue of personal boundaries, especially in my romantic relationships. It usually takes me a long time to really “react” to an “overstepping”, and sometimes it is the most difficult thing I will ever do but I am always glad I did it afterwards.

    Great post. ❤ xoxo

    Like

  2. Whoa. I had no idea that the advanced theory class in boundaries covered that you can change them. My exposure to the topic of boundaries is so new, and I think a lot of the internet and mainstream media world are still working on what boundaries are and how to enforce them, so that this is absolutely advanced work. Thank you for putting it out there! It’s blowing my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Cameron,
    Can I call you Cam, or is that a no no? *winks* Sorry, just a bit of boundary pushing there. I really, really love this post – boundaries are such a relevant issue. Just when I think I have it all figured out, wham, something comes out of nowhere to test my boundaries yet again. It takes a very strong person indeed to keep that going, sometimes you don’t realize it till it’s too late, so yes, it’s a job to learn to regulate it and channel it correctly. My biggest lesson is learning to accept that others may think I’m being “selfish”, and to not give a s***.

    Like

  4. I needed to read something about boundaries today, and when I came across this post I was so happy. I’m having a hard time even knowing what and how to create and establish boundaries. And recently I realized how much that is need in my life. I did not even think of them shifting, but it’s so true. It really helped me, reading this today. I have bought excellent books on boundaries by Anne Katherine that I need to read, because boundaries is not something I learned I childhood or even as I got older.

    Liked by 1 person

Share Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s